14 posts tagged “lung cancer”
Going back on cancer drug Tarceva today, which is liver intensive. Not to mention the side effects (GI and otherwise). Kudos to the onc for sending an early Rx in response to a slight panic I felt after going to UC Davis and deciding not to enroll in a study there.
Simple. An underrated idea. Or is it? The idea is incredibly rare and elegant to me. Nothing's ever simple or straightforward anymore, at least in my world. Perhaps I need to make that as much a focus as possible, strive toward that goal in all areas of life. I might make things harder than they have to be. More than likely, that's just the way it is, and more so when one is ill.
I spent the past few days cleaning house, and the last few hours paying bills and otherwise tying up loose ends in preparation for entering treatment this week, possibly today.
Back in the real world, my schedule looks like this:
"Aren't you scared for me?", I asked Hubster. "No. I know you'll smack it down like you did before." If I didn't know him better, I'd think he was just being brave, but I think that's what he believes. I don't think he can imagine me being completely unable to do anything, especially take care of him!
3 years ago today I was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. I've been off treatment for 3-1/2 months. Inspite of these miracles, death and disease are never far from my mind, nor are my comrades in war with this monster.
We're "going naked", as the oncologist likes to say. No Tarceva, Alimta, or Aredia. EEK! "Take the leap of Faith!", is what he wrote on my after-visit summary. The clinical trial nurse says, "You do need to celebrate this."
Early morning rambling warning!
RIP Paul Newman...
Where did September go? Or summer, for that matter. At the end of August I saw Radiohead in Golden Gate Park (great concert, crummy set-up), then it was on to Paul Weller at the Wiltern in L.A. for two shows (quality shows, I might add), a quick recon of the San Diego situation, back to Norcal for a PET scan and Cycle 24 of chemo, then off to southern Minnesota for a week. Hubby was in Tierra del Fuego, shall we say Antarctica, where it was winter and there was no hot water, then to Medellin, Colombia, home of the world's most notorious drug cartel. Apparently it's really cleaned up now and armed guards on every street keep the peace. We managed to meet for two days in Minnesota, where fall weather was perfect and the trees were barely turning. Saw some of Minneapolis this time, which was cool, especially Como Park. It's Target headquarters, and one can see how the artsiness thrives. It's a cute place to live for those who can handle cold winters.
PET scan/Cycles 24 & 25
In the interest of not jinxing myself, I'll just say that my last PET scan reported dubious conclusions. Suffice to say I'm remaining on chemo. The medical belief is that the amount of disease I'm carrying is beyond cure. I've heard this so much that at this point, I'm more interested in the kind of survival and quality of life that would defy convention. Keeping Betsy's situation in mind (4-1/2 years in remission and then wham, hit by a recurrence locomotive head on). I know she was fighting---I wonder if she would've wanted a long, protracted battle.
Speaking of battles, Phase III trials of a vaccine called Lucanix just enrolled their first patient at UCSD. In Phase II trials, 50% of patients entering the study with stable disease after one chemo regimen lived longer than 44 months, whereas those receiving standard of care lived 10-13 months. Even those who had up to 5 prior chemo regimens, 61% lived a year and 41% lived two years. The side effects are pain and redness at injection site! I'm somewhat excited about this, although I don't know if I'd qualify, being on my 2nd line of chemo, not to mention with my luck I'd be in the placebo arm. As the clinical trial nurse put it, it's like the difference between having your house cleaned one room at a time versus having a house with 50,000 rooms cleaned all at once. That's what I'd call a breakthrough.
Nausea
It's grown worse since about December. I used to experience it now and then, but lately it's an expected and annoying guest who lingers from Friday to Monday after chemo, and so far I've tried acupuncture, acupressure bands, Compazine, Zofran, candied ginger. Next stop, pot and ginger pills. I'm grateful for not being nauseous for the past two years, and am empathetic towards those unhappy souls experiencing it. I must say, it doesn't deter me from eating. In fact, it makes me want to eat weird things, like Korean barbecue. It just makes the process of digestion unpleasurable, sometimes painful, and downright disgusting.
My neighbor's mom gave me a jar of Barleans Greens "superfood". It's not horrible, but definitely needs to be mixed. Supposed to be great, full of flavonoids and plant lignans, enzymes, phytonutrients etc. In Europe a product can't be marketed as a "superfood" unless a medical study proves whatever claims it makes for being such a product, so maybe we're suckers for that? It seems harmless enough, not being loaded with vitamin C or the usual suspects. I haven't told the onc of my consumption though :(
Edit:
It just can't end fast enough. This has been a horrible month---the fires, my mother's illness, the progression of my friend's lung cancer (she found me through Vox, and we're Stage IV sistahs, moving from one treatment to another), my friend getting scammed by Disney...we could really use a respite.
Life is swirling about me in a most confusing array of events and circumstances. I feel numb, too afraid to give in to emotions for fear of being swept into despair. I'm sure I can say this only because I feel well right now---well enough to actually feel deeply something other than fear, anger, or emptiness at the uncertainty my condition has foisted upon my future.
I want to help, yet feel so helpless. I can hope, but how can I give my mother the will to live? We are hundreds of miles apart, and my father's part of the problem, rather than the solution.
I'm sure I can't imagine the despair of those who have lost their homes in the fires. Christopher, Dave, Donna, Dawn, Tony, Cheryl, Susan, Vicky, Joan, Sammy, Judge Dest----I hope your homes and families were spared. Somehow I get the feeling some of you weren't that lucky. Keith, good thing you moved from Stevenson Ranch to Catalina Island.
In a strange way, it would almost be easier for me to lose the stuff I care about in a fire than trying to figure out who to give it to when I go. I guess it's not a huge burden if you give someone something worthless to them. They just get rid of it. I once worked at a nursing home where a mother and a daughter both resided. When the mother passed, her daughter invited me to her mom's house to take anything I wanted. I took 4 things---I still have 2 of them (the bowl broke and I foolishly left the painted cart in SF and never retrieved it). I cherish the painting and the lamp, and have often wondered who would cherish them as much as I. I've had them for 20 years. But I'm weird that way.
Well, the leaves are turning, the pumpkins line my porch, Dungeness crab season approaches...and the holidays are upon us.
I am grateful I've made it to another Halloween. If I can make it just a little longer, my husband and I will have been together a decade.
